confusions: cleared

gosh..i tot i was going to lose a boyfren because of something i said out of my subconscious mind... the fact is out; he's not going to listen to what i told him. haha! i was so stupid to really believe he would ditch me just because i told him to ditch me before our 3-months if he doesn't love me. i couldn't stop thinking that having a guy like him is like getting the impossible. everyone knows it's not easy to find a really nice boyfren who meets up to most of our criterias. so now that i have one, it makes me think. what's the CatCH? there must be a catch somewhere... something bad about him that i don't know yet. hmm..i still couldn't stop wondering ya' know.. wouldn't you be if ur in my situation?

but heck..the point is, when i asked him the ditch-me thing few days ago, he was jokingly saying that he will ditch me in 10 days time! argHh... although he joked bout it, i was so scared. shits..the lesson i've learnt was not to have the fear of loss cos then people will take u for granted. i'm having the fear of loss now! what a failure i am! hMPH..*knOCks on the heAD*

today i got to find out that he wasn't really planning to do that in the coming ten days time. that donkey! made me worried for nuts.. however, i'm grateful. i'm not complaining! ngek ngek :p

enough of boyfriend already. anyway, after college today, i went for this job interview that kester recommended me. gosh..it was so scary. they're actually looking for a promoter for lacoste perfume. it's rm200 a day! the application form that i have to fill up, i have to write my height, weight, shoe size, waist n hips size.. what the heckK? they're looking for a model or what?? weird..

enough of work already. i'm not a workaholic! though i work and study at the same time.. and still wanna look for more part time jobs. philips is not offering me enough pay :p i need money for my new hp.. i still haven't saved enough. sobs... i feel so bad using my boyfren's palm phone cos the one he's using already went bonkers.. and i'm using his nicer phone. i mUST get my hp by next month!! i shall be determined.. err...try to be determined!

it's a new week again

one week had come and go... it's monday again!! oh no.. supposed to have a 8 a.m. class, which means a few hours later. and i'm not asleep. teEe hee... as usual lar. sam mun what! well, the week that has just passed has been great... which means i wasn't in any trouble with any sorts of depressing moments. good enoUgh. love my life.. mUAX!!

i went clubbing yesterday... and i came back.. sober!! muAhaha.. clap clap for me. actually that's just because i reached there late, at 1.30 a.m. ngek ngeks... a girl dropped drunk cos she reached before 12 am. i'm so smart!! wakakak...actually *again* it wasn't because of my cunning plan to reach late. it's cos my darling had things to do, so he couldnt reach any earlier. but what the heck...to entertain myself, i made full use of his phone. to cam-whore :p i'm fuLL of craps.


i don't know what else to do in my room. no one was online to chat with me and i was damn bored... sigh. forgive me. i just take n take n take pics.. that's the use of camera phones rite?? the stupid thing is i keep on taking pics with the same type of pose. hahah boring n not creative at all. as you can see, they look almost the same. argh, screw it.

i was sober yesterday, true. but i betrayed myself by saying crap stuff to my bf. i actually told him, "it's going to be our 3 month anni in 10 days time. if you don't love me, dump me before it's 3 months we're together" arGHh... i'm so stupid. *knocks head* he must be thinking what kind of idiot i am. if you're a guy, what would u think?? hMmmm...

happy news: i worked for month already! this is the last weekend... i can submit my punchcard tomorrow. and punchcard=pay!! i'm still saving for my handphone.. *soBs*

another happy news: darling's off-day tomorrow! we can go movie and dinner and spend my whole day with him; after college of course. yiPpee

mission accomplished

finally... after so many plans and empty promises. we all went LUNA BAR!!! it took us many weeks to finally get together and stuffs like that. hhaha without boyfriends!! they're not included this time. and yeS.. that place was great with nice interior designs n beautiful surroundings where we can actually see the whole of KL right on top of pan global building at 34th floor! the stupid thing was...to get to 34th floor was like a maze...! have to go thru corridors, 2lifts and staircases. sadly, it was raining today. the 'open air' part was wet and stuff. but luckily, it stopped after we reached a while. it was so difficult to get nice seats there.. bear in mind: go early! oH..and most of the people who hang out there are working people.. soBs... old man:p means not many young cute hunky guys.

five of us; me, kammy, jamie, suetli & horyan were going nuts in there because we took pictures non-stop. this jamiE lar..aiyo. she brought a digital camera..and we couldn't stop snapping away. many times we have to get the waitress/waiter's help. hahah and there was this very weird waiter who loves to take photos for us. he actually volunteered.. and insisted although we don't need him. not that we dun want to trouble him; it's just that he takes lousy photos! he always takes the picture at a far range, and we'll look tiny in that photo with huge amount of space around us. weird fellow...we took photos with the drinks, with the 'flower pot', with the swimming pool as background, in the toilet, in the lift with mirrors, in the car while driving, of the kl scenery...

well, we had our fun today. one of the rare times where 5 of us can get together... i wonder when's our next gathering, huh girls?? it seems that our PD plan also died off... which has been happening since form 4. we always plan and tak jadi one..

next, kammy drop me at jalan brunei to yamcha with my darling and his group of friends. hahaha....it's so fun today! hMmMm... when should i start studying for management test nxt week? not today and definitely not tomoro, it's saturday night tomoro!! yippEee..

makes me wonder

there's one thing that made me wonder everytime...

WHY WOULD ANYONE WANTS TO REPEAT HISTORY?

why would anyone wants to plunge into the same shit again?

when we know it has a big probability of failing us

again

then again, of course there's nice things in between

sweet and breath-taking things..

memorable and cherishable moments...

if it weren't bcos of these things,

why would we tend to fall into the same pit hole

right?

every single time i feel grateful to have him;

every chance that i have to feel darn happy,

i get this weird feelings in my guts

that history might repeat again

then i've picked the wrong person

again.. sigh

it's probably me being paranoid

it should be...i guess

but it's past experiences that tells me

as the time passes,

people change

and they might not be the person u first knew

he just seems too good to be true;

to have everything i wanted in a guy

well, almost all...

but he was one of the best i've found

he just melt my heart

with every single thing he did,

big or small or nothing at all..

i never believe i have the luck

to have such a nice person with me

makes me feel that i'm dreaming..

i get worried everytime i feel happy

it might be another trick

a devil in disguise

i know i shouldn't put too much hope

in this whole relationship

but damn it...i can't help it

i'm just hopelessly in love.

siGh...

just hope it's not another stupid pit hole..

bILe and wAter...

i learned another lesson today.. which is to EAT BEFORE CONSUMING ALCOHOL. yeaps.. or u could end up like me. felt so freakin' sick the whole day because i couldn't stop vomitting. wEnt clubbing yesterday night with darling n his frens... and everyone there can really drink like a hippo! most of them are anyway... so immune to alcohol, they can jsut drink n drink n drink n still stay conscious. well, lucky for me; i'm not too bad myself! hahaa... which is actually bad because they will keep on coming to me with a cup of whisky n say "half half". i really dun mind drinking but what bothers me is actually the consequences after that. all i had the whole day yesterday was only popiah and roti bakar... and u get the idea. it turns my stomach upside down so badly, i woke up this morning puking till it was mid-afternoon. the amazing thing was... i vomitted all the food out yesterday night, so today was only liquid. i didn't drink much water today but the amount of water that i gave out was... woW!! lots of it... and i couldn't stop puking. eEEWww... i'm so sorry if i'm going to make u lose ur appetite. but, today my puke today was all liquid.. and yellow. hahah guess what was in it? it tastes bitter... it's bile alright!! YUcKS.S.... no more over drinking...

i craShed!

omg... i'm so screwed today. i feel so so terrible now... i'm damn guilty this time. just came home from yam cha-ing with my darlin n his frens despite of my heavy workload waiting at home. after having a drink with his frens, we passed by oug so i decided to call kah mun to see if we could meet up with her. it was dreadful to go home, as usual. i just wanted to hang out longer before going home and continuing with my work. never thought worse things can happen. when we stopped by at the road side to call kah mun, my bf asked me to change place with him cos he dun feel like driving. i wish he didn't say that. you guys could predict what i'm going to say next right?? i didn't know y i can be so careless. i drove his car many many times before but this time i damaged his car because of a stupid bomba pipe.. was doing a side parking and he helped me to watch the back. none of us realised there's a bomba pipe at the back. i'm so careless!! i should've noticed that stupid thing there before i do reverse parking... to make me feel worse, he's not angry. if only he scold me or something, i could feel a little better. why isn't he angry? his boot is dented!! i'm evil, cos at the same time i'm happy he thinks i'm more important than his car. he thinks that the car is only a material thing, i shouldn't be upset over things like that. how can i not be upset?? he trusted me with his car all this while, and suddenly i knocked his car against a bomba pipe! there goes the trust... although he said he'll still let me drive. *sobs*