Roller coaster to hell

A dear friend once told me:
"Life is like a roller coaster. It will go down and come up again."



I remember being so pessimistic, replying:
"You forgot the gravititional force, it comes down faster and lower than it will go up."



Which is true, if you put physics in the theory.

The roller coaster I'm on seems to be on its way down to hell, because I don't see the bend that curves up. I'm emotionally and physically harrased.

First there's the surgery to go through.

Then more injuries along the way. Got smacked by basketball, sprained an ankle, scabs and scratches all over, paper cuts...

Then emotionally, you tend to dedicate your heart to the wrong person and another person dedicate feelings that I do not intend to want.

I am drained from work and have thought about going back to studies more often nowadays. Things used to be more busy previously but recently, I just can't take it anymore. To make things worse, I'm agitated at every single thing in work.

I wanted to quit smoking but failed. It's probably a psychological thing, it gives me the comfort and takes my mind off things.

At least I lost my fondness on alcohol !

the RARE exception

People are always making assumptions by generalising things.
Do they ever realised that most things will not happen 101% as how it usually happens?
Or, do they NOT realise that some rare people have very different characters that do not comply with the norm?
That they could be the rare exception?

It's like how most people will say 'I'm sure she's with him because of his money' if they saw this really young pretty lady with an old balding man.

And how people will think, 'He must be driving his dad's car' if they saw a boy driving a Ferrari.

I'm not gonna be pretentious by saying that I don't do that.
In fact, I do it very often.

However, when it comes to feelings, I never practice it.
Feelings are so subjective and the way that each human respond to it varies.
The marginal error is probably 90%.
That's a big continuum for possibility of error.
You think?

Even if 9 out of 10 friends tell me the same thing, regarding feelings...
I never believed them.
Until I get sucked into it.
I then made my point and proved all 9 were wrong.
But do I wish they're right.

Sadly, the reality does not bend over its back for your own liking.
Nor does it treat you any better than what we call 'cruelty'.



End note: I'm very sure someone will come and comment that I'm a drama. :)

Inhuman.

Is back to working life but could never let go of the life she had during that one month of stoning.

So what happened when you tried to combine two lifestyle into one?
A slacker life.
A workaholic life.

It becomes an inhumane way of living.

I sleep at the slacker time and wakes up with workaholic time.

I go out and about having outdoor activities that I've not done for a long time.
But also spends a frigging long time in the office walking about like going marathon.

I eat yogurt in the morning and drinks coffee at night.

I treated everynight like a Friday night.

I played basketball 3 times a week and goes hiking without having to nap.

I injured myself and still go limping around, resisting to rest at home.

I think I'm turning inhumane, having endless supply of energy.

I prefer to have the power to teleport, thank you.

that was it.

and it was really just 'that'.

At first it feels like a complicated thing.
To risk it or not to risk it.
Anyone having too much fun wouldn't risk it.
I think I just did.
I always do.

*smack self*

Why can't I for once be an idiot that leech on false hopes and take the dead end road that was laid with beautiful sceneries along the way?

Because an idiot always get the happiness all the way, and end up an idiot only at the end.

The smart ass always tries to be smart in finding out the truth.

And yes, the world is always filled with cruel truth.

Only ignorance brings you away from it.

Agree?

Found the CURE!

Not the cure to AIDS.
Not the cure to cancer.
But the cure to runny nose, eyes & sickly feeling.

I always get all these little annoying itchiness,
when I'm home and has nothing to do.
Itchy eyes, runny nose, tired aching body, feeling woozy..

The cure is...
To get out of the house and just do something.
Anything!
Go drink coffee alone, shopping, chat with friends.
And the annoying things will just go away.

What a miracle eh?
No wonder I heal faster than ordinary people after surgery.
I went out looking for friends the day after I got out from hospital!
Started driving 2 days after that!

Muahahahah!!
*evil grin*

It's Bangsar we're talking 'bout ppl!

Living the life, and chilling out equals to having a drink and just do nothing.
Yeap, that's what I'm doing now in Bangsar Starbucks.

These are the noise/annoyance I hear while I'm here.

1. There are 3 people sitting behind me, talking really loudly. Well, only the 2 girls were loud actually. One girl said (in a booming voice) "What's wrong with you la? We all say something, you just go 'ah' and 'yeap'. You're always like that you know?"
Yeah, girls, I'm sure your guy friend will talk even softer now that the whole world heard you.

2. One jolly good fellow honked and honked non-stop like a beeping idiot because some car blocked him. That other idiot who double park surely does not know what's the rule if you wanna do double parking. The rule is 'Be nearby your car in case someone wants to get out'.

Then I did my usual stare at the place and get some thinking going on.

1. The Reliance Optical shop always, always have customer. Sometimes, filled with them. I wonder if it's because they're popular, cheap or has wide variety? But I'm sure the owner is one hell of a rich fellow if he can afford closing their shop on Sunday.

2. The jockeys here start operation at 7pm. I wonder who assigned them to collect money from those who found parking on their side of the street. Did it come naturally since years ago, and now it has become their territory?

3. Most of the girls who come here wear casual, like a top, shorts and slipper. Is this the image of Bangsar, and everyone automatically dress like that when they come here? I do that too. I wonder why.

It's time to stop thinking because staring at the road is giving me headache.

Signing off, and moving to another spot.
Till then.

With this hospitalisation leave...

All of a sudden I felt that this hospitalisation leave is not so bad after all.

I can walk, drive and talk.
But not run, jump or do anything strenous.
Therefore this leave I have is not for me to be bed-ridden the entire time.

And with this, I have the opportunity to meet all the friends who I've not been meeting for a year or more. And oh yes, the number of friends that I've not been meeting is surprisingly ALOT.

With this leave, I get to spend time sitting alone, having coffee somewhere with my laptop and a book. I also did bumped into long lost friends this way.

With this leave, I get to know which friend cares more about me. I also realise who in work thinks i'm not hardworking enough, and even suspect that I'm misusing my MC.

With this leave, I have more time worrying about my personal dramas in life, only to realise I have been dedicating most of my thinking time to work before this. I also feel more sadness during this period. Personal drama is always sad.

With this leave, I have the chance to think of my health and how it had been sending little warning signals but I ignored. I also found out the unexplained cause of my minor health problems.

You see, it's really not a bad thing after all. Even my blog is more alive now , no?

Optimism not in favour

I have the time, the energy and in super-boring mood.

Then I happen to have a laptop and internet connection, faithfully serving me at the moment. (Well, maybe not the connection, it's Streamyx, go figure it out.)

And since I'm already living the life of a handicapped at the moment, might as well blog about the things I do to fill up my past time.

Correction, I am actually not that 'handicapped'. I could walk and drive now, although my walking style reflects my grandma's. But i said i am handicapped because they are people who limit me from doing certain things and going certain places.

The reason? I am a recovering patient and I should look like one. Or else, people would think I'm lying. HARH!

Hmmm, some of these people are classified as pessimist. Excuse them.


Imagine this:

"You're a doctor treating a patient that has cancer. Would you rather see him looking pale, tired and staying home most the time (because he IS a sick patient); or would you rather see him live his life happily & optimistic, being out there as if cancer is only secondary?"

Oh, haha!
Looks like optimistic-jolly-active recovering patients are not so welcomed after all.
Better watch how you behave when you're sick next time.

I'm changing for 2009

I've been wanting to blog most of the time.

I logged in to www.blogger.com and then... I stared at my dashboard and wondered what am I going to write.

Then I'll leave the page open till the end of the day and close it when I shut off my computer.

How sad.

Ever since the whole drama and crisis on my blog's sudden 'popularity', I felt obligated to do some censorship before writing anything. Especially now that I know this blog is being checked by strangers from time to time.

No personal stuff.

No public random stuff.

No complaining/ blabbering.

But whenever I think of censoring on the things I want to write, my brain stopped ticking. Can't write a single word. Not even title.

It's year 2009 now.

Fark it, it's a new start. I'll write freely as long as it's not related to race.

So you all watch me from now on. I'll blab about anything I want.

THIS is the original intention of having a blog. Take it or leave it.

Screw yourself if you're miserable cos I can't be too bothered now anyway.

GET IT?

Fresh start!

It's a fresh start now. Or I hope it will be.

Somehow, I love blogging too much to give up this blog. It has been with me for 4 years and it will continue for the next 4 years. Until I feel old and has no spare energy to blog.

Some people has given me the support to continue to blog and just do not repeat the mistake. Honestly, even if no one tells me that, I'll never dare to describe people by race. I would stick to adjectives like fat, thin, ugly, pretty, short, tall, smelly and etc.

Although I still felt bad because thousands of people out there still hate me for what I've done, I'm glad that some actually understands and did not put a stick through my heart without asking.

I'll stick to the advice: Have a break and light 2 cigarettes before clicking 'Publish'!

Contented with Bills

Well...since the last entry, nothing has changed except for ONE.

My financial situation. Definitely getting worse.

Because of the flat tyre, I had to change the whole set of rims to make it more ‘affordable to burst tyre’ next time. So I’m now driving with 15” rims instead of 16”. Sad eh, cannot 'pek' corner that ganas anymore?

Then I sent my car for service last weekend and guess how much it costs? RM450 plus plus. I don’t even wanna recall the exact amount.

On Saturday, I was doing fine in One U until I saw La Senza having sales. I bought myself 3 bras and a set of lingerie/ nightgown. All that only costs RM180. CHEAP kan?

And then I had to stop right there with my extravagant spendings because I max-ed out my credit card.

Pls tell me there’s no other better ways to end my weekend.

Anyhow… I am not so worried because I realized I have dedicated most of my pay every month to credit card bills, car installment and other many many bills.

Read this: I am sooooo dedicated in paying them that I pay more than they ask for on monthly basis.

Give me a big pat on the back. I deserve it!

Got a secret to share with you... pssst..
Amazingly, even with all these bills and work, my life still feels so contented...

KM's back!

Since Kah Mun landed in Malaysia a few days ago, we have been going out everyday/night.

First we played mahjong with her.

The next day, we go to Gardens and walk around since she has not seen the new shopping complex before.

That night itself, we went to meet the rest: Suet Li, Lauren, Sophia, Calvin, Jason, Jamie, and Soon Jin to have dinner in Chef & Brew in Hartamas and drink at Somo, Mont Kiara.

The day after that we yam cha in Steven's Corner.

Today, me, Kah Mun and Hor Yan ate our first meal at 5pm in Old Town and then meet up with Jamie in my house for mahjong.

At night, we had dinner in the coffee shop nearby and ordered lobak, fried lala, grilled fish, chicken wings, and 3 bowls of noodle. Yeap, just 4 of us girls eating all that.

I'm telling you, these few days were so happening. But it's all gonna end. *sobs*

I'm starting work tomorrow. No. It's today. I haven't sleep cos i'm so used to sleeping at 5am everyday for 2 months, i really have no idea how to sleep at 1am.

So nervous....first day of work. sigh. I hope there's no weird colleagues or even worse pyscho mean ones. I hope.

*crosses fingers*

fUck 'Give & Take'

I ALWAYS thought that in a relationship, we're to give and take.

that's what everyone say isn' it? and it's supposed to be the ultimate guide to everlasting relationship. fuck that.

it doesn't happen if you're attached to someone who only wants to take but unwilling to give. FORCE him all you want but he will never give OR he'll just give all sort of reasons to tell you why he COULDN'T give.

the person i love just happened to forget what i've done for him in the earlier days when he had no job and we're just living on what i have.

NOW when i want to depend on him, all i got was a brutal kick from him telling me that it was my fault because i didn't wanna look for jobs or work for jobs that was difficult.

is that what men have become these days? is this what i deserve after many hardships?

IS THIS what i want, i should ask myself.

I'm telling everyone and anyone who's reading this. NO.

and this time i will not bow down and accept all this fucking rubbish that's happening to me, because i know i deserve better.

he wasn't even the type of person i wanted but i ignored it because i thought if we give n take, it'll be alright. hell with give n take.

the horrible truth

i am sitting on the bed with my pajamas, laptop on my lap and the quilt covering me.

i guess there's nothing better to do since i'm already slacking like no one's business right now. There's lots of things that i can do; assignments are very good example. However i refused and retaliate at the idea of doing something fruitful.

Blogging kills the boredom and so here i am. I was just done reading Jamie's blog on the scarcity of guys in the world, and how hard is it to find someone that really suit you. I was unconsciously nodding my head while reading that.

Jamie, you forgot one very important point! the ratio of man to woman is 1:3... in addition, research found that the number of gay guys and transexuals (man who became woman) have increased. That means, available guys are even lesser than we thought now. The horrible future prediction: MORE SPINSTERS!

And yes, it's damn bloody true that the guys with potential are either attached/married/engaged/gay. DUH. I mean, if a girl found herself a very decent guy that she loves and good enough to be a bf/husband... why let him go? If it's me, i would probably chain him and do 'all means' to keep his heart on my side.

All means: cooking or learning to cook, do the housework eventhough raised as a princess, accept any of his weakness if it's not too much, learn the art of stripping and pole dancing, seduce him once in a while and change own personality if it is to become his dreamgirl. yada yada...

The BIG Question is: Would you rather become a spinster or accept someone who has a lot of weaknesses but will love you till the world ends? When i say weakness, i meant bad tempered, fugly, poor, arrogant, dirty, unpleasant, old and etc.

As for me, i think i found someone that i really love. Look pleasant enough and not dirty and old. THere are of course weakness such as being bad tempered and inconsiderate at times. He definitely does not know how to make a girl happy. Being with him is something that already made me happy but at times he drives me over the cliff, making me have the urge to pack and leave him behind with the hope of finding someone twice better.

Nonetheless, here I am in the same room as him every night. So i guess it means i haven't jump over the cliff yet. There are the good days where each of that can replace ten bad days. Do the calculation and you know why i'm still here. The good outweighs the bad in terms of quality not quantity.

As for my friends who know the situation i'm in right now, they will understand what it takes for me to stay with him and how much more obstacles to go through before i can confidently say ''Happily ever after"

5-weeks discoveries

interesting discovery: I realised i have not done something which i adored so much for more than a month!




I have NOT blogged for 5 weeks. *grin*



OTHER discoveries in the 5 weeks:

i have started class and have been going to classes more often than last semester ( i think ).

i learnt how to 'disconnect' myself from the world of chatting, onlining and downloading movies.

i'm actually quite fine doing nothing at home, sleeping when i want to and cleaning the room when i start worrying about being carried away by ants in my sleep.

did i mention i'm actually quite a good cleaner and a better cooker than i thought?
**Potential housewife in the making!**

i love living without my parents more than i wanted to. who said living away from home makes you home sick? not applied to me at least.

it's true that living with someone you love makes you love them lesser. (if they have bad habits or when you get to see their ugly side)

at the same time, you get to spend more time with the person you love. Because he's always right next to you at night looking like a mummified pig.

it's also easier to wake up to go classes because i have 2 handphone alarms (sometimes 3), an electronic alarm clock and one 5ft 5" alarm that tells you to rush up.

it's nice to have someone's door to knock onto when you're bored out of your wits..

(most) guys never show appreciation by washing the plates after you cook for them.

my housemate is so quiet, she barely makes noise. she walks around the house almost eerily silent. me and iris bangs the door louder than her. sleeps really early too. answer our multiple-words-sentence with less than 3 words.

i guess that's about it.

My 4th time

I have no idea who cursed me or what kind of karma i got. I never steal anyone's phone.

First time, my phone got stolen amongst ourselves. It was a birthday party in Redbox and there were alot of us, half which i don't know. I believe they're the ones who took it. It's a K700i and it costed RM 1100 when i bought it. I cried.

Second time, it got stolen by a direct sales man right in front of my face. All he needed to do is shake his product: a kitchen cloth around. And then they did some magic tricks. Now you see it, now you don't. i was in a Signature Kitchen-like shop and there's only two of us. they took it just like that. i realised 5 minutes too late. It's a K750 and it costed RM1,400. I cried.

Third time, i was clubbing and the phone was in my pocket. People always tell me not to bring handbags to clubbing. it tends to get stolen. The advice is definitely not for me. I got mine stolen right from the pocket cos it's not deep enough. Phone peeping out, welcoming the thief. I only used it for 3 days, farking brand new. It's W850 and it costed RM 1,200. somemore at cost price. I cried.

Forth time, i was in Royal Selangor Club having stomach pain. So unbearable, i got cold sweats. Too disturbed by the stomach pain, i left my phone on top of the tissue dispenser, last cubicle, female toilet. I went in with it and went out without it. It's K800 and it costed RM 1,100(at a super low price, below cost price). I didn't cry. Say hoo-ra to this miracle. HA!

Similarity: It's all Sony Ericsson and it all costs above RM1,000.

Alcoholic on the go

I am what people called 'hardworking' or 'workaholic' yesterday. Stayed in the office till 8.20pm. to prove that statement.

At the same time, me and Iris proved ourself worthy enough for a free drink. Andy the executive director came to us with a bag of Tiger beer. He said "Choose any one"... when the whole bag only has one type of drink > Tiger Beer! So we got ourselves a tiger each.

ChEerS....!

what you're staring at? cannot drink beer in office is it?

no need to guess. she hates beer.

HAd dinner with Mimi (Iris' cousin) and her parents in One U after work. I got free dinner. happy yippee... haha should say thanx to Iris. Who said the night ends with a dinner? Then it's drinking with Foong in Laundry Bar.

Alice in Wonderland. Boston Tea Party. Orgasm

I'm not tipsy yet. Just look like one.

wOoo... girls..girls... GIRLS!

(the NEW Foong)

I remembered that my eyes were hooked on the big plasma TV watching America's Next Top Model... laughing at their stupid acts and amazed at what they do in order to get a good shot of floating women in space. Tyra Banks then made a remarks to 3 of them saying that they look like one of Michael Jackson's picture (before he bleached himself and turned white).

My ears were tuning in to Foong and Iris' conversation once in a while... And something caught my attention. Foong the virgin said he knows what it's like to have sex.

*-_-

First thing came into my mind: What? He's not V anymore?

Foong: No no, it's just instincts.

Iris: There's no such thing as instincts! It's different. You won't know it till you've really experience it!

Sammy: *Nods head* Focus back on the TV. Speechless.

Lilies that brightens up my day!

Spending some dirty and wet time at the wet market isn't so bad after all. I wouldn't have said this if it's 4 weeks ago. I am a person who doesn't even go wet market with my mum even if she treatens to diwsown me! AND now i'm going to there because of work.

4 weeks later, now... i don't feel the sting of having to wake up 3 am every weekend and gulp in fresh air of the market anymore. Either i'm starting to get numb of it or i'm just enjoying it now. RE-READ the previous sentence. ENJOYING WET MARKET! sigh...

I do love the privileges though. Because of the fact that we're giving away free food, free samples and free bottles of soy sauce to the traders there... they're nice to us.

Example 1: This uncle came to me and gave me a packet of drink, tapao-ed when i was busy giving away free bottles.

Example 2: This aunty gave me discunt for the noodles i eat because she also got a free bottle.

Example 3: This uncle, the owner of one of the outlets in Sect 17 never charge me for some flu medicine i requested for Ed. Well, make sense, we're helping him sell alot of Lee Kum Kee soy sauce bottles. His soy sauce sales for one day is more than the amount he sells in a year!

Example 4: This very young boy, who happens to be the owner of a supermarket in Jenjarom spends the whole crew canned drinks. he told us to take any drinks we want. I should have taken a bottle of whisky. It's drink what...no?

And there's a time where i got privilege in buying flowers from this very friendly old lady.... without using LKK soy sauce to get my way through.

In Old Town, i saw these lilies which are very pretty so i wanted to get them for my room. So i approached her stall to look.

Me: Aunty ar, how much are these lilies?

Aunty: Rm 6 for a stalk.

Me: Each stalk of these got how many flowers ar?

Aunty: Sometimes 2 sometimes 3. Depends lar...

(My mind said: wah..so cheap ar..RM 6 for 3 lilies in a stalk!)

Then i took 5 minutes to choose one perfect stalk...

Me: i'll take this stalk lar. Then how much is the fine ones with white little flowers?

Aunty: That one ar....aiya, i give you free la.

She took some out and put it with the lilies.

Aunty: This much enough ar?

(My reaction: Eyes opened wide...wah. so much! it's like a bloody bush wei. FREE somemore.Weeee)

Me: Ok lar...enough lar aunty. thank you ar! Eh, then aunty ar....this one ler how much ar?

(Points to the ones with small purple daisy like flower)

Aunty: That one is RM1 for one stalk.

Me: Ok...i want one!

She wrapped it into a newspaper and then i paid her RM 7 for the whole bunch before strolling away happily.

When i got home, i realised she gave me 2 stalk of the small purple daisies! And only charge me for one.... AUnty so niCe!! YeeeeK....

(Or maybe she accidentally took one extra, I don't know)

I took a bottle from Iris' collection and then arrange them nicely. The white little flowers one had extra, aunty gave me too much but i was too greedy to reject some :)

the day i bought it back

the second day..blooming lilies *eyes twinkling*

(updates on the lilies will be edited everyday with new pictures HERE)

Wet Market 'Frenzy'

THREE weekends of wet market have left me looking tired, dull and cranky. What do i expect? It's markets full of people with foul languages and loud voices accompanied by the smell of rotting meat and vegetables. Then we have the crying for help of the chickens as background music. It could actually sound like an orchestra except that this one mess with your brains and burst your ear drums. Now, that makes the whole wet market thing sounds like a nightmare.

On the other side, there's a touch of sweetness. These people are foul and loud, but very friendly (in a loud way). I have adapted the style to talk like an aunty to entertain my 'peers' (the aunties la). I then realised i can actually excel in sales. I have done electrical appliances, perfumes, Guiness, Lipton tea... and now soy sauce. Lee Kum Kee soy sauce to be exact, they're our current client on sampling. I proved myself worthy in sales industry after more than half the sales of an outlet (7 cartons) comes from me (and i do it in 90 minutes). Or maybe it's because the client challenged me that if i can sell 5 cartons i get commision. Of course i never got it.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. I wasn't planning on indulging myself in the sales industry in future. Related, yes. Not sales focused.

The whole experience in the wet market was just.. weird.

First i have to sweet talk the aunties and even uncles.

And then i have to act that i'm not disgusted with the fish-water and chicken blood.

I learn to smile at the greedy aunty who demands for more sample eventhough i'm so not giving her another one.

I learn to walk on the dirty, smelly and wet market floors without staring at the floor and hopping around to avoid water puddles.

I know how to make friends with them so that i get cheaper prices on vege and meat. One trader even spent me a packet of drink. I only need to give out more free samples.

I learn to look around and watch the things around me in 360 degree.

I learn how to be mean and exercise the power given to me by ordering the promoters around. Being nice and soft equals to no job done.

I learn to smile at the people in the market that 'lanci-ed' me; though i still curse in silence after that.

I learn to wake up early in the morning (3 am) and get some morning exercise by walking and carrying things around the wet market.

I learn to bear with the continuous nagging and nonsense of the market traders and still smile at them. they also tend to repeat the same sentence over and over again.

AND i have improved my ability of selective hearing.

lesbian fate

SO... it's been a few days now since the last update.

i just lost the mood, either it's because of work or because of my monthly aunty visit. OR maybe... both affects one another.

Last weekend was as usual, working in the wet market for Lee Kum Kee sampling. All i can say is we hired some really useless people. The supervisors are working like a promoter doing all the promoter stuff and who does all the supervisor things? Me and iris.

And we're more than just supervisors. We did a lot of other 'kuli' works which made us work non stop. I thought we're just there to observe in the first place and help out whenever necessary?! I guess it became a necessity to have us there till the boss can't afford to go for other events.

The nicer way of saying things: We're just the important element in the crew. HMmpH



Okay... and we came back to the office grunting and complaining. What we did was catch hold of the person who hire these people and screw him upside down on Monday. Imagine... two interns staring hard at an elder person who has been in the industry longer than us, screwing him non stop just to make sure things are right the next weekend.



and at least we get to have our break. Yesterday was a bloody lazy day for us. we were in our rooms and we're so lazy that we sms each other instead of walking a few steps and knock on the door. that's really sad and it just magnifies how lazy we were.


At night we finally managed to drag ourselves up, food factor. we were hungry and we need food, thus we got to get out. After dinner, played pool in club 7. And did i mention the last time we went there, we say this group of lesbians? Iris was saying that we might meet them again and i thought there won't be such coincidence.


Half an hour later, we saw the same group coming in. haha! i guess they're surprised to see us also and probably thought we're in the same category with them. OR they will think that we're lesbians who loves threesome because last time it was another guy who came later to join us. Yesterday was another different guy, also came later.


Anyway, the night ended well; even way after pool. Completely satisfied with such off day.