Sunday, August 28, 2005


The sun seems to be dimmer and everything else just became colourless because of a small misunderstanding. well, to think again.. it was a big misunderstanding at that time. I just regained my colourful vision on life yesterday, thanx to kah mun. it was like "bingO!". this problem that lasted for almost a week has finally came to an end. The same thing is still happening this very moment but i am standing on another perspective to look at it now and a problem does not look like a problem anymore...

This thing that has been happening for the past few days is related to someone i really cared for. it was that care that contributed to this confusion. he was sick with slight fever, cough and sore throat; and to make things worse... he didn't have enough sleep for a few days. that totally got him on the edge because my sweet and caring guy was replaced by a quiet and moody fellow. it happened so sudden and without warning, i didn't have a chance to prepare for it and trying to adapt to it was even harder.

trying to maintain my own self, i continued to be the caring and talkative companion i usually am. me talkative; he quiet. me hyper; he's more dead than alive! there you have it: friction. he got even more moody. I did the same to get even. Even more friction. Sat in the car in silence. ate in silence. i was on the edge of crying because i thought he changed. honeymoon period's over...?

Communicating with each other was so difficult. he lost his voice at first but even after that, he didn't talk much. his non-verbal response was inconsistent. sometimes, there's zero reaction as if i was not heard. i kept on asking him how is he feeling and why is he so quiet. the more i asked, the more disappointed i got. it was a one-way communication... his physical condition was the catalyst of this all. miscommunication was happening and his unwillingness to communicate made things more confusing to me...

now, i totally understand what happened. it's the 'guy thing'. kah mun reminded me about the book "men are from mars; women are from venus" where they did mentioned that once in a while... men will hide in their 'caves', stopping communication with the outside world. only himself. they just want to be alone but want someone to go to when they come out from their caves. so here i am... waiting outside the cave with an opened heart and arms.. and a whole new perspective on things. we both seem to come from 2 different planets with different background and different understanding. it takes a lot of energy to actaully understand the opposite sex. now i wish i have read that book till the end... i stopped halfway few months back. still having the book but it's not mine. hehhe...sorry kammy!! yes, i shall continue reading..

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