Tuesday, May 30, 2006

losing trust

it happened to me and i felt that it might just be the worse thing that can happen to you on earth, other than Armageddon. all this while i've tried really hard to make him trust me and believe me, but i was able to destroy the trust that i build over the months with just one lie. although there really wasn't any harm done behind the lie, suspicion now exists between us. we always look for ways to confirm the truth no matter what the other person says... seeing becomes believing and words are no more than a meaningless grumble.

just after one incident and a few discussions that follows, things were never the same again. one became sensitive and is always suspicious, making him take drastic lengths to find out whether he was being told the truth. the other person becomes very afraid and gets the feeling she's being checked upon most of the time.

there were great disappointment when she was telling nothing but the truth and yet he still wants to check on her to prove it. that alreadys shows how much trust has evaporated since the last few weeks. on the other hand, she couldn't trust him when he says he just want to see her while she's out with her friends... because she could sense that he wants to check on her.

can't life goes on without too much of a drama?

Sunday, May 21, 2006

today is SUNDAY. so another week has officially passed. and i still have another 7 weeks of holidays. how nice.... hmMmm. except the fact that i have no allowance and going to be flat broke soon?

so last week was road trip week. this week was more like a problematic one. however, i had my fun already of course. you really think i'm gonig to go through another week without the 'fun' word? Monday, we went to Genting. together with jamie, carmen, hor yan and edmund; it was a very happy gathering. we talked and laughed and did all kinds of stupid things. we cam whored with our handphones in Coffee Bean and after Edmund told us he has a camera inside his car, we took pics using his digi cam non stop. in the lift, hotel lobby, in front of the toilet, in the parking lot, beside his car and in his car while he drove. we even took pics when we saw this spot halfway down genting because from there we can have a beautiful view of KL city. little did i know that this trip to have coffee in genting caused some other problems as well.

then for the next few days... i'm always in Mid Valley and Wong Kok, no where else but that 2 place. got to go office in IGB tower almost everyday. it's getting quite sickening.... sad. i'm now very very bored of midvalley and i can memorise almost all the shops there.

guess there's not much to be said anymore but a problematic week. in the outside where i can laugh and enjoy with my friends, i have to endure the pain of having to argue with my bf. actually it was more like a discussion kind of thing between us. not much argument.
there's lots of dramas going around lately.
i guess i still can cope with it. the things that happened lately made me realise how much things i didn't know about my bf...all those things that he never let me know before this. Also his past and his hidden personality. he also made me realise how much he loves me and i need not suspect him or doubt him anymore. beside that, i know that i love him alot and no matter what i don't think i'll be able to let go of him just yet. i'm still trying my very best to not make him upset.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

the selfish me

life has been very different the past few weeks. in such a short time, many things have happened and many have changed.

i can't say whether it is entirely a good thing or a bad thing but all i can say is i'm still trying to get used to how things are going right now. need to adapt to the new environment.

what has happened most probably is my fault. i led it to this road and made things become the way it is right now. it has gone too far for me to turn back. i can't navigate it to the alternative way either. the funny thing is, i didn't even regret on what i did.

instead, i feel that all these made me realise what type of person i am. how much damage or good i can do with just one simple step. to have the ability to change so many things affecting not only myself but a few more other people.

on the other hand, i came to know that people have the potential to change themselves when they come into a desperate stage. even the most stubborn person who believes he is right will change his mind-settings just because of one incident that i've caused.

the only solution now is to follow the flow. i have no other options. maybe i have; but i can't do it neither have the courage to think about doing it. i want to choose the most righteous way as a human being. however, we cannot deny that humans are selfish. i just want what's good for me and what i want. others do not matter.

yes... i AM SELFISH. i'm just a normal human being. don't tell me what is right and what's wrong because when it comes to this matter i don't see how a happy moment can lead to the wrong path. being happy doesn't mean it's right but it can't possibly be wrong either.

i have made the decision to take this path and i will follow it till i see the end. other than that, i guess nothing will make me change my mind.
miss Chammy a.k.a sexaylaydee has already complained bout my 'dead' blog. hmmmph... maybe the next time i plan to take a break from blogging, i'll put up a notice like what jamie did.

let's start back from last week. i was pretty busy enjoying myself. though what i do everyday was almost the same, it was entertaining none the less. and i was barely at home until my dad has to throw tantrums and threaten to dis-own me. and my mum nagged till i go crazy. alright, so the past 2 days i'm home at night and that's another reason why i'm blogging today.

last week: it was more of a road-trip week. i went to two states on two separate days and came back on the same day. i went to Port Dickson and got myself a ugly tan. that day was the first day i really felt like, "hey, this is what i call holiday!". you know, going somewhere further; to places you barely go just to chill out. so yeah, i did 'chill' there minus the sun of course. my shoulders are dark and i have 4 fairer stripes on them. bikini and spaghetti strap. how coOl is that??! EhErm... guess Not. On Saturday, it's IPOH. One of my bf's colleague is going to get married... and so we went to attend their wedding dinner. Because we left quite late, my bf had to speed up and drove like a maniac. we had no choice, we were following his friend's car and he... drove like a tasmanian devil with no brakes. lucky me, we made it there and came back alive. that day i was so tired i had to sleep in the car and my poor bf had to drive while i sleep...

Sunday, May 07, 2006

working for philips for these two days have been saddening. or probably it's me being the useless 'si-lai' in making. the first day i did demo for philip's new rice cooker, the casserole tasted like shit. in brief, too much ginger, not salty enough, no taste and the rice was too wet and sticky. if you're imagining it, i think it looks like a pile of shit? anyway, today the 2nd day and things improved a little. at least ALL the rice were eaten by someone and not heading for the rubbish bin. so proud now. another saddening thing is, there wasn't much chance for me to play MIA during work because i had to do the demo from time to time and there's this merchandiser from Philips who came and check on me.

saddening -in conclusion.

Friday, May 05, 2006

the 5th day of my holiday... what i did last few days, i can't really remember. it's all a mess of Wong Kok, Halo Cafe, Steven's Corner and Mid Valley because that's what all i've been doing last few days. and i did that EVERY day. i drank limau ais, yin yong, green apple green tea, heineken again and again, repeatedly. I'e been doing all the same stuffs, no wonder i can't remember what i did. i messed them up. shIt. what else can be worse?

oh, did i mentioned that i only wake up after 12 pm everyday? hmmm. i passed through half of today feeling so numb and blur. i remember waking up and falling asleep a number of times. my right eye is now swollen like a bulging bull's eye. it's raining heavily outside and i'm just blasting the music at home. my modem won't get fried, no worries. i'm starting to crap bullshit online because i don't know who to tell them to and even if they want, i don't think they can tolerate my bloody annoying voice right now. i'm feeling kile crap. when is it that i'm going to be able to do something proper and useful for holidays?

talking bout that reminds me of tomorrow and the day after that. hell.
have to do some stupid rice cooker for Philips for work tomorrow. cooking some sort of chicken rice. argHhh... me and jamie haven't even go get the ingredients yet. the two of us 'si-lai's' are so going to rock in philips t-shirt tomorrow. mUAhahahZ. i'm brain-dead.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

PANIC!!! omg... what happened to my blog's banner? da butterfly/bird/rainbow like thing... sigh. shitz... it's probably been removed from the web. well, i'll reserve a day or two to sit at home and start looking for new template.sad, i forgot all bout html already. have to start from the scratch.

i'm so so bored at home after the holidays started. as usual right? when you have classes, assignments, exams; you'll want holiday. but when i have holiday, i want plans. plANS. PLANS. i ain't getting any nice holidays proposals so far. just rotting my arse away and yam cha everyday. i'm just so predictable. wake up at 1 pm. called or be-called by kah mun, jamie, hor yan and the rest. it's time to go yam cha/ lunch. and it's forever in Citrus Park. somewhere between 4-7 i'll be in Wong Kok and from 7-11 pm i'll be in Halo Cafe, which happens to be only few steps away from Wong Kok. those people who work there laugh when they saw us going again and again. Now i know where my money goes and why i'm jsut so broke.

it's so sad, that i'm only seeing the same few people for the past few weeks. i can count them with my two bare hands.ironic. i wanna meet up with the rest... such as Kit Yee, Wai Yin, Esther... and my bRo'z and Gang. Also John Tan the lost soul who can't be reached these days. JasOn Aw Eng kUon, who's all about girlfriend and no buddies. eDwin and the rest of the SAM gang whom i haven't met for a long time... and edwin said he's going to go stevens again? Mun Mun, yinG yoong, Lauren, azaria and the whole group... some which i saw a few times already and some who remains lost e.g. Lauren. lots lots mroe..i can't recall right now. but for those who i've called upon....show up lar alright?