too much of Questions

today has been a rewarding day. not really as 'rewarding' as u think, but good enuff. i learnt something new again. before i came home half an hour ago, i was standing at the corridor talking to my bf. he always sent me upstairs and watch me go into my house before leaving. and i always dread going home, so i'll take bout 10 min to stand at the corridor before finally dragging my heavy heart back home. rite, so we kinda had a good conversation back there. i was being curious, the usual me, i asked him about his ex-gf. i wanted to know how long is his ex going to study in aussie, what was his reaction when she told him that and how come he doesn't know much about her going to further her studies e.g. what subject, duration etc etc.

i find it really weird. how come he didn't know all that when he was her bf that time? he told me that he doesn't like asking questions, and i should know that already. yes, indeed, i knew that. but i am still curious. if ur gf were telling u that she's going overseas to study, won't u ask her for how long and stuffs like that? ok, here's the interesting part. he said that if a person doesn't tell him, he won't ask because it will be like forcing a person to tell. If the person willingly wanted him to know something, he/she will tell him without being asked. so, the conclusion? he doesn't ask much questions and it's really up to the person if he/she wants to tell or not.

alrite, now that i know... i think he kinda hint me not to ask too many questions because it would be like forcing him to tell things that he didn't want to. maybe he wanted to hint me, maybe not. but i have to admit i'm a girl full fo question marks. and i ask and ask non stop till i'm satisfied. i think that kinda annoy him at times. can't help it. it's my natural personality which i couldn't destroy. anyway, now that i know another part of him... i can make things work better because i know wat he likes/dislikes. i'm uncovering his personality part by part, really SLOWLY!! we've been together for almost 5 months now. still a lot of things which i don't really understand about him. among all the bfs i had, he's one tough fella. complicated and not the usual guy we see around. siGh... that made the understanding process more difficult.

enough of that already. i am so so full now! i spent half my day watching dvd with him. we're like 2 big piece of couch potato.. there's nothing much we can do on his off day isn't it? then we spent an hour driving around looking for dinner because we only left his house at 11 pm. we went subang...then all the way to kl...then to kepong... finally we found a place to eat bak kut teh. *burp* i had craving for bak kut teh for days already... when i told him that, he purposely drove such long distance to make sure i get to eat it because the one in kepong opens till very late.

*buRRrrRrPPPpp*

daZzling wEekend nitES *


hAhaha... i still can't sleep yet. one entry a day is just isn't enough. muAhaha.. sorry. i know i'm spamming my own blog. not really spamming actually, it's no-nonsense entries in my blog alrite. last 2 nights, which means friday night. i had a girls night out with jamie and hor yan. they both deserve the break... one finally came to her rational mind..and another one just finished stpm which was a huge stress. too bad two other girls were missing. nevermind, there's another time in future. like, really really soon! steamboat! must be 5 of us this time!

so, on friday night we hit luna bar in kl. we reached late but lucky for us, the very kind bouncer let us in without making us pay for the cover charge. 3 of u must have looked really pitiful and innocent. hhAHA! we both ran like mad dogs on the way up. stupid jam....all because of the stupid traffic jam... anyway, we only get to sit along the bar, so we sipped finish our drinks and had cam-whoring session everywhere in luna. including the toilet. 3 of us sneaked into ONE cubicle to take pictures. we looked so fishy because we had to wait for everyone to get out of the toilet before we can step out from our cubicle. haih...

in da toilet... crammed up in one cubicle

at the top floor of luna bar..

in da lift...

(did i mention that we were going up and down in the lift just to wait for the right time to take pic? cos there were other ppl coming into the lift=)

in da car, while i drove...

then. on saturday night. it was u-li's birthday. she's my darling's fren. had bbq in the house.. cooked my face as well =) at the end, i let him do the work. i eat. mUAhahazz.. i was getting bored at first, then it got better when i get to play this card game. the loser needs to drink beer. my phanz played the first few rounds, he got all red in the end! his face was also burning hot.. hahah too bad he dun like me puttin up his pics online, or else i have a good pic where he looked really red and blur. hmmmM... cute cute. hahha...

as usual, i'm late for work today =p

Monday, November 28, 2005

physical disSatisfaction!

it's sunday night...(now). guess i need the break and just hang around in my room doing nothing. i'm still insomniac, there's no way i can sleep now though its 2 am. 2 more hours..yeap...just 2 more hours. being insomnia totally ruin my physical looks! it's bad enuff that i'm not that attractive physically, but having red eyes and blue-black-purple-green dark circles around my eyes make me look million times worse. stop building mental images of me! you won't wanna imagine!!! to make things from bad to worse, i'm becoming fatter and fatter. my tummy especially, no where else seems to be growing except for my tummy. that's because i sleep so late, i get hungry and i eat while onlining. i'm drinking sweet fruitpunch juice with kitkat chunky now. yea, go ahead and calculate how fattening is that. somemore i'm eating it right before i hit the bed.

oh, and one more thing. you know what people say about symmetrical faces are the most attractive? i totally failed that. first i have half of square face and half of oval face. that's because of my jaw... i accidentally bit a metal sppon few years back and it got dislocated somehow, someway. it's stupidity and clumsiness. NOW, my right eye has double eyelid all of a sudden. the left eye is still single eyelid. i look damn freaking weird... argHHh... help me. it's been many days already..will it go away? either i have both double eyelids or i'll just remain normal..

next, i hate my hair.. it sux, it's starting to curl so badly at the roots. haih... and i'm so feddap of rebonding it. so i'm just leaving it that way now. it's damn freakin annoying! i have to frown over it and mess with it every single day after i wake up...

then, my broad shoulders, i wish they were not so broad because broad shoulders make me look so rough! no matter how hard i try to dress girly, the shoulders always give it away. monster shoulders. bloody hell... sigh (again). tak tahAN!

finally, my nose! it's so freaking huge. and it gets red like rudolph everytime i rub it or sneeze. monster nose! arghhhhh....

*faints*

the 'money' equation

me 'the f* fren', isn't it ironic? here u are trying to defend a friend from invaders and critiques... the nxt moment you're being labelled a 'fucking friend' who defends a friend on zero ground. i guess i'm going to stop defending anyone on a blog. especially if it's against some strangers who didn't know the roots and leaves of the story. it was war in the comment column. you know what? i gave up. i have no energy to get all fired up for some bitches. they can say what they want, as long as my friends are not affected. but as we all know, words are mightier than sword. i'll just leave it that way. no point butting in to people's problems just to come out having ur ass burned real bad. i really felt like someone stuck a burning torch up my arsehole. excuse my manners... i'm not a polite person in nature.

anyway, as i'm done with one problem (with a stranger), i'm having another dilemma. should i just go look for a full-time job during my holidays? it's only a 5 weeks holiday though. but i'll be rotting at home every weekday! my friends are either having college, working, holiday-ing or back in hometown... why am i so free and relaxed? i felt like i had more activities and outing during my exam week! it's supposed to be in the other way! arGhhh... damN da holidays. and i need more Money... see the equations...

no work=no money + lotsa free time.............(1)

lotsa free time=spending money (no money)............(2)

if u replace equation (2) into equation (1), what do you get?

NO WORK = NO MONEY + NO MONEY

daMn... that's a double no money! shit..i need money. i want to buy more clothes, buy bag... buy dvd-burner, buy new decorations for bedroom, buy shoes, buy more things for him, and buy really good facial wash!! oh...i forgot, buy new handphone. and eat good fooD... and go holiday. and pay bills..

waH...shits!!! (many more exclamation marks).. the list has no endings... damn, now i lost my mood... -ciaos-

made it alive

i made it alive! yaY!! i made it through half of the day without feeling like dying. though my irritated-eyes were bloodshot red..made me look hideous walking around with a red teary eye. sigh.. someone i don't know irritated the shit out of me. it was this particular person on another person's blog who wants to act like the judge and determine who's right and who's wrong, who's to be pitied and who's pitiful...she's a thorn in the arse~

look at it this way, blogs are where people post diaries and express their feelings online so that they can share it with their friends. their close friends or at least someone they personally know. since blogs are actually WEBlogs.. it's on the net, and anyone can access it. of course we can't put a stop to who's going to read it. strangers who are going to read it are able to put up comments on the blog, true. but i believe alot of us have the rational way of thinking and we do not simply post up comments to hurt other people's feeling with the advantages of being anonymous or 'whatsoever'. no one will know where that fella atually come from, so she can say things as terrible as she wants it. now, i know it's a democratic world.. oh, btw. it is NOT a democratic world, because if i am not mistaken, some of the countries in this world is not really democratic. is it? i suck in history or whatever. back to the point, don't hurt people's feelings with words just b'cos it's a democratic world and you can say anything u want. be more humane, think of the consequences on others when you express urself. some people are just plain mean?!

if i am the one reading another stranger's blog, i wouldn't post up msgs or comment anything because blogs are subjective matter. it's abstract... and it's manipulated based on the writer. just read and exit that page peacefully. why would anyone want to hang on to that page waiting for someone to oppose their comments. i admit i did that today, but that was to defend myself and my friend. and at least, the blog writer is someone i know... she however doesn't seem like she knows any one of us, and yet she volunteered to be the judge. and be the jury too! moron. hmPPh... if anyone wants to post comment on stranger's blog. fine... it's no harm done. but be neutral.. dun be biased because you will never know what really happened behind the story in the blog.

i'm much more peaceful now... forgot to mention, blog is also a place for people like me to let out our anger and frustration. as well as a place to say vulgarity without 'looking vulgar'. hAH! i bought another top today!! yippeee... on the downside, i'm BROKE. as usual. since when i am not broke anyway? tEe heeE... signing off (merrily). can't wait for tomorrow to start.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

gRowing and harvesTing funGus...

it's 12.15 in the afternoon, the sun is shining right on top of my head. erM... supposedly. i can't see the sun, it's so cloudy today and it just rained. siGh, i feel like a bumb-bag and freakIng useless at home. there's tonnes of house work waiting for me.. my pile of dirty clothes are like calling my name~!! this is freaky... still, i can't make myself do house work. haih...guess i'm just not house-maker material. my room's a real mess, like the aftermath of a hurricane. my room is not the typical girl's room. hahaha... know what? i'm going nuts. coz i stayed home a bit too long. usually i wake up, hit the bath room straight away and left house and willn ot be home till midnight. i'm going crazy!!! someone helP... ask me out. drag me out of this scorching burning hell (house)... ok, this is nuts. i'm just going to take a swim now...

*a huge siGH*

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

*numB-eD*


this is so weird. i officially finished my exam already, but i don't feel much difference. i have a feeling i know why. firstly, during the study break and exam week, i behaved as if there wasn;t any exam and i took it so lightly. i noly studied a day or 2 before eventhough i never paid attention the whole semester. Since i already had the holiday mood in me before this, now that it's really holiday...i'm so numb, i can't feel holiday-ing. i'm still doing the things i did few weeks back. ooOOh... however, i felt much better because i wouldn't need to worry bout exam when i'm walking around or when i'm in the fitting room. HAHA! hurray to that...


*breathes out loudly*

right after exam yesterday, i was supposed to go bangsar and get a massage with jamie. but i got ffk-ed. it's forgive-able though. she had good reasons... i met up with her anyway. she looks like a mess... who can blame her? she has been crying non-stop, almost the whole time i was with her and kah mun. i was curious what made her cried so badly... and i found out why after coming home and go online to read her ex-bf's blog. it was a cruel post in his blog. i can obviously say that blogs not only give space for a person to express her/his thoughts, but also a tool for revenge and a channel for arguments. and advertise of course! like what i did before this, i post up the description and the no. plate of the car who hit-and-run. haha...evil me.

after jamie, i went kean foong's house for BBQ. i missed out a lot of fun...!!! siGh... but i still had my share of fun. was there for 2 hours... foongy's dad is so cool. still young at heart, he made jokes and talked crap like no other fathers. amazing..and yes, he gave some of us tequila pop. a BIG glass of it.. cool dad! sadly, got to run off earlier than others cos i've a date with my darling. movie at midnight...we watched harry potter. i've counetd the ticket stubs i've collected... we have watched 14 movies in the duration of 4 months and 2 weeks! that's like a movie a week..

sigh, i'm getting more and more boring aren't it? wonder how to stand the coming 6 weeks of holidays.. i went sg. wang, Kl today with the intention to buy a cheap samsung handphone as temporary/spare phone. but i didn't buy any hp in the end because darlin said he will sponsor a bit next month so that i can get my k750i straight away. have to wit another month for new hp :( *sigh* since i'm not buying hp, i went and buy a shirt and lipbalm instead. hehe... damn, i just couldn't resists spending money. bad habit.

talking bout spending money. he made me cry yesterday! before da movie, i gave him the watch that i bought a 2 days before. i bought it specially for him because i was in a good mood and i felt like spending a big sum of money...on hIM. usually i prefer to spend it on myself. the response i got from his was totally the opposite from what i expected. how ironic... he asked me why i gave him such an expensive watch. i said for no reasons, and he kinda lectured me bout it. he told me that i shouldn't spend so much money on the watch, that i could've bought cheaper watches from swatch or something. it's still a watch after all... but the watch i bought looks nice on him! sigh..he didn't scold me or anything but then i started crying because this was not the respond i expected. the very funny thing is... pay attention to this>>> he said that i should've spent the amount of money on myself instead and not on him because it's my money. funny? then he should not give me money to spend also rite becaue it's HIS money? secondly, his point was not to ask me to save money and be thrifty. he just didn't want me to spend the money on him. although it's supposed to be a gift from me. his point was to tell me to waste the money on myself such as buying handbags, clothes and etc etc and not on him.

isn't that weird? ppl want their gfs to not waste money on shopping but he wants me to do so as long as it's not something too expensive for him. he suggested that i could've bought a shirt, pair of working shoes, and swatch watch for him with the same amount of money. made sense, but he looks so good with that bloody watch! isn't it more wasting to buy clothes for myself because i only wear them a few times and stopped wearing them if i don't like them? isn't it better to get him a good quality watch which could last him a few years? then, the money will get the best value isn't it. he made me regret buying him that watch! i bought it for him happily and now it made me sad thinking about it. imagine all the clothes and shoes and accessories that i could've bought with the money. it'll be a whole day of shopping! dAMn... he's evil. *hmmpppH*

anyhow, i know he cares about me. he pujuk-ed me with his stupid jokes and innocent looks after that. called me 'cry baby' somemore. it's all his fault! now we have a new motto,

"your money is my money, my money is your money"

hahah how dumb. never love him less though, even after all this crap.

don't tell me i'm hopeless, i already know :p

time to gO down

i just found out that i can be really emotional and also be a cry baby. never expected that the once 'no-crying-sammy' could be like this now. what can i say? time changes people isn't it? it's so true that every human has his/her ups and downs. i really meant ups and downs... once your on your peak for quite some time, there has to be a time when it is time to come down and taste hell a little. jut a reminder that happiness is not everlasting after all.

the reason why i said all this is not because i'm in a really really saddening problem. in fact, it is just a minor problem which could be a no-problem-thing. i made it become important... so much that it occur to me as a problem that matters now.

it started off as a joke. someone told me before that every joke has 30% of truth in it. I guess it's true this time. whenever that i understood the things he said, he will say that either it was my hearing or my understandings. many times i couldn't get what he said because:
1) i am not that pro in cantonese and he used words that i never hear before;
2) sometimes he sounds more like a mumble and i couldn't get the words right;
3) he used shortened sentences assuming that i would understand.

i wish i was much more fluent in canto, then this problem wouldn't arise. he never get angry at me or scolded me before, but i can see that he starts to get fired up everytime i ask him to repeat what he said or decoded his message wrongly because i heard totally different word(s). this problem didn't just occur now, it has happened in my past as well. is there any doctors or whatsoever who i can go to? to seek my problem. is it because of my hearing? or it's just because i'm slow and poor in receiving messages? i guess it's my problem that made communications imperfect because perfect communications go through the comm. process smoothly. no interruptions, no wrongly decoding messages, no noise...

now i'm quite sure it was because of me. today, he got annoyed twice and told me that i have bad hearing twice. the first time he said that i have bad hearing as well as bad speaking. it seems that i don't speak clearly. i resisted from crying and chose to zip my mouth. i totally kept quiet and not answered him everytime he asked something. he pujuk-ed his way out...

later at night, we were on da phone. he told me that he was going to yam cha with his frens at the mamak opposite his apartment. i heard that he said he was going to yam cha with his frens who stayed opposite his apartment. i almost cried again. whenever jamie says that she dislike herself for crying so easily, i half-wished i could be like her. it feels terrible to keep everything inside. i couldn't cry out because i felt stupid. i couldn't cry out about this in front of him because he would think i'm paranoid and despise me. what can i do?

one sentence he said triggered my tear glands. it was "i think we have a communication problem". it was said in a jokingly manner but i do take it seriously. tell me what should i do? what is my problem?

stArt aNew...

with everything NEW!!!

i am so soO hapPy...

* bounce bounce*

after all the "hard worK" and burning midnight oiL.

i wasn't really "hardworking" but i claimed myself to be so..

because.. i was so freaking hardworkin a few days before exam!

that's wat we call 'last minute revision'

and because of the last min. thing,

i always skipped the last few chapters!

damn...sure cost me lotsa marks.

but whatever, hell with exam...

though i still have another last subject.

that's a week later..but now;

i declare "HOLIDAY"!!!

first of all, who said study break and exam week was all about exam?

during study break, i worked part-time,

3 days before my first paper i watched Chicken Little,

2 days before my first paper i watched Zorro 2,

a day before my 3rd paper i watched Corpse Bride,

during my exam week i went shopping.

an hour after this, i'm going to watch exorcism of Emily Rose.

3 days later, i'm going holiday with my darlIng for 3 days!

*breathe in*

what a wonderful world!!

secondly, it's so haPpy to have him around,

he brought happiness just by doing stupid things,

making himself look funny,

make stupid faces and noises,

forcing himself to stay awake to keep me company

and all da little little things that many people do not notice.

everytime we go MV to watch a movie at night,

he'll try to get me a toy..those that u put money into the machine

and direct the clamp to get ur toy?

i have two of it now...

so silly of him by wasting so much of money to win one each day.

then, i got a new watch from Titus...

actually, it's more like 'he got it for me'

i never wanted him to pay for me,

but he insisted in paying the bigger share....so

he's the biggest shareholder of my watch :)
changing my watch was something significant.

it was throwing away something broken in the past,

only to replace it with a better one.

something else has changed too...

i bought myself a new wallet.

that marked a new beginning too...

somehow in someway,

i felt like i've left some of my past behind,

to pursue better ones...

improving what i have,

bit by bit...

well, shopping and exam all rolled into one.

that's wat i called 'enjoying life'

let's hope that pleasure doesn't make me fail any paper

*prays really hard*

toO late to regret!

i never thought i'll be so far behind in my revision. before the holidays started 2 weeks ago, i already had planned my time. that i work and study for one week and then i have another whole week free to continue revising. my planning was futile. wat's the point of having plans when you are not able to follow it? firstly, the whole 8 days that i worked, i never studied because i was too tired to. and i spent my free time going out. secondly, it's already the last week before my finals, it's a wednesday today, and i only studied about 5% of what i should have been studying. eventhough i know that i'm always good in getting away with last minute revision?work, i have a bad feeling this time. i can't believe i'm THAT LAZY and such a gOOD procrastinator. i'll be happy enough if i just 'passed' my finals. won't dare to ask for more.

speaking of worKing for lacoste for 8 days. i got so damn sick and tired of that fragrance. i smell it for 8 days in a row. my nose got so irritated by the smell, it was always red and rudolph-like. now that it's over... i'm droOling over the money that i'm going to get. MEANS, i'm finally getting the handphone that i wanted to buy. after many many months!

it was such a nice experience working with my other 9 buddies. we're one terrific team. hahah... and we're all assorted. all different personalities and stuffs... ya know.

to jessica, nawwar, koyie, annie, mei, kes, fendi, mathan and joel...it's lovely and FUN working with you guys!

it's da gUrls and da boSs...

then we have da guys and da superviSor..

the rest of the photos can be found here >>> http://sammy-bammy.blogs.friendster.com/photos/lacoste_essential/