Tuesday, June 13, 2006

sO i thOugHT....

..... that everything will go on like normal and resume like how things were before. i'm probably giving myself too much hope/ expecting too much.

it has been a week since i last updated my blog and within this week, i was really quite Ok until yesterday. if anyone DO realise, i have this habit of blogging usually when i'm extremely upset and felt like rantling it online; Or when i have many things to complain about. i guess this is one of those time when i'm upset. 7 days of not blogging means i don't really have much problem for 7 days since the last discussion with my boyfriend.

it took me a good FEW days to actually get used to things after the discussion. all we wanted was to return to how things were last time and go back in time. that was what i've been trying to do and i know he tried, although i'm not sure. recently, i really was able to let go of the problems, to be able to RELAX when i talk or do anything so that he won't misunderstand. to smile and laugh sincerely from my heart. to talk and do whatever i felt like without tensing. i was ALMOST there goddamnit. i was sOO..NEAR... so frigging near to get the feelings back.

everything went back to square one yesterday night when i found out that he kept a copy of some stupid joke agreement i have with my friend. i knew that he doesn't trust me or him anymore after all these but i thought he already let everything go? isn't that the reason we tried so hard to make everything go back like last time and...JUST when i'm about to accomplish what we've planned, i found out about that. it's just devastating.

i'm not angry at him for looking at my things (accidentally or not). if only he knew how to confront me at that time and ask me what is it, or let me know he saw it. there's no need to keep a copy of it without letting me know. and the reason he gave me for doing so? it's ridiculous, nonsense and doesn't make sense at all.

1 comment:

simply me, Jason said...

I see your boyfriend is one of those who like to 'ungkitkan perkara lama'... sigh.. mengada la this problem. You seem to be rolling down the hill again =\